The Dinner Table
Family culture is built and habits are formed through seemingly insignificant decisions about how time will be spent and where the money will go.
When my children were very little, our best friends were an older couple whose nest was empty. These saints would come over at least once a week for dinner. They would play with our kids while I cooked. On the floor. In the drive. They would listen to all their stories and give them all the hugs.
But after dinner, I put the kids to bed, and the four grown-ups would talk long into the night. We argued and discussed. We agreed and disagreed. We laughed and cried. All of this while our children were listening at the top of the stairs or through the vents in their rooms.
My children grew up in a home where adults sat and talked about ideas.
As they grew up, they sat longer at the table and entered into more of the conversation before asking to be excused. Slowly and gradually, they stayed to listen. They answered questions and laughed at the jokes.
Now we live in Texas, and our friends live in Florida, and gone are the days of children underfoot and toys strewn across the floor. But my children still think it’s normal to sit around the dinner table and talk about ideas. No one really feels like they don’t belong at the table. Or that the table is just a place for eating.
This is how culture is built and habits formed, through seemingly insignificant decisions about how time will be spent and where the money will go. Whether or not you’ve given any thought to your family culture, you have one. Your children have picked up from you ideas and behaviors. Your family is a microcosm of the world within which you have normalized certain beliefs, ideas, and behaviors.
The difficult work of evaluating your family culture begins when you have the courage to ask two questions:
Have I created the culture I intended to?
Do my children really value the things I want them to?
Begin to answer those questions by examining where your family is spending its time and money. Think through some recent decisions when two things were competing for time on your calendar and money in the budget. Which one did you choose and why? This examination will help you to see what sort of priorities you have established and may reveal that some things need to change or that your expectations were unrealistic.
Then, as Christian parents, we also want to spend some real time evaluating the heart and mind habits of our children. This will often lead to some painful self-examination of our own attitudes and affections. Do my children approach problems with prayer? Obey cheerfully? Give thanks in all circumstances? Or, have I inadvertently created a family culture that is prone to gossip, complaining, and deceit?
Christian parenting is this mysterious and heartbreaking combination of responsibility and powerlessness. Our choices right now really do matter for eternity, and at the same time, God gives all the increase. He causes the mustard seeds of our obedience to grow a hundred-fold beyond our own limitations and sinfulness.
Where Mrs. Gerth is speaking:
Coventry Christian Schools, May 26, 2026
Grace Christian Academy, June 5, 2026
Repairing the Ruins, ACCS, June 25-27, 2026
A Contemplation of Revolution, CiRCE National Conference, July 15, 2026
Trinity Knox Classical Academy, Waterford, CA, July 27, 2026
Evergreen Classical School, The Woodlands, TX, August 3, 2026
Faith Christian School, Roanoke, VA, August 5, 2026
Holy Rosary Family, Nashville, TN, August 7, 2026
Providence Classical School, Houston, TX, August 28, 2026
Hillsdale College, Hillsdale, MI, September 2, 2026
For help creating a more classical classroom, consider reading Thoroughness & Charm as a faculty or homeschool co-op this summer. I’d love to come kick off your experience of the book with a day of professional development seminars and workshops. Now is the time to book for back-to-school training in August.
What Mrs. Gerth is teaching:
The Thales College Certificate in Classical Education Philosophy Program(CCEP) consists of eight courses taken in any order, culminating in a certificate. Courses cost just $300 each and are held through Google Meet once every other week.
Louise Cowan on Shakespearean Tragedy Fall Seminar from the Cowan Center at the University of Dallas. Five Thursday evenings on Zoom. Registration opens in August. Subscribe to the Cowan Archive Substack to learn more.